Ahhhhhhhh

Sunday morning.  I’m up early, thinking.  Yesterday we celebrated a milestone birthday for a great and life-long friend and it was great fun.  I made a double layer cherry chip cake with vanilla and coconut frosting and we enjoyed a great meal of turkey, stuffing, tones of vegetables including squash baked with maple syrup that I adore.  It was a great time, noisy, lots of laughter and love at the party.

Old friends are dear to me.  During the hectic activity of the party, I was deeply aware that I was celebrating a friend that I have know since university, that has seen me struggle with career, relationships and the many changes that happen during your adult life.  I know that those eyes have seen me at my strongest, my most hopeful, my most despairing, have seen my eyes cry with hurt and disappointment and have also seen them shine with anticipation and joy.  Those eyes without speaking give me encouragement to pursue my dreams and to keep moving forward.

I have to admit I have been feeling anxious about the cookbook these last few days.  I tend to set artificial deadlines for myself, which I suppose is my nature, but then I feel the very real stress of trying to meet those deadlines.  I have been lazy.  I have procrastinated.  I suddenly feel very behind in developing my cookbook and it is all my own pressure.  But for me, it is no less real.  I keep thinking suddenly of all I have left to do.  And today, as well, we are going to have a great day with family.  And yet I feel a misplaced guilt that I am not working on the cookbook.  I keep re-negotiating with myself on how many recipes to transcribe and how to get them finished by December so I can start working on the next phases.  I keep reminding myself to take a breath.  This adventure is supposed to be fun!  Sometimes I really feel like I am going in circles on this book; who knew it would be this crazy.  And I feel like a crazy person at times lol  I have to remind myself to take a breath.  You know what, easy solution, go find some breakfast!