The last couple of days at work have incredibly trying. Last night I was so tired when I got home, I just ate something easy and then sat down on the couch and watched television, which is something I almost never do. Today I still feel exhausted. It is just a really busy time of year at work with a number of things coming to an end but it is coupled with lots of pressure from other parts of the company and just the exhaustion of the end of the year. I was sitting in a meeting yesterday at a round conference table. I started looking at myself as a reflection in the window against the dark grey sky and realized, wait a minute, I am getting fat. I actually tried to decide am I am getting fat or is it just the way I am sitting. I think testing all these recipes is starting to show but in the end I was completely okay with the extra pounds. Not that I won’t in a few weeks suddenly decide that it is a crisis and I need to lose the weight but right now I was perfectly happy with it.
It has become so clear for me over the last few days exactly how important this project is to me. Work will always be work with its ups and downs, its stresses and rewards. And work is important, good and a necessary part of anyone’s life. But I realized this passion is just for me. I will not make excuses for it but likewise, amid all the running around of the holiday season, the demands of work, home and friendships, I am always going to carve time out for my project. It would be so easy to sacrifice it to the other demands. But that is sacrificing something that is just for me, to give up what I love for every other priority, for something other. I love what I am doing. I hope others will enjoy what I have created when it is finished but first and foremost it is for me. Something I am giving myself. I want to do it just for me and if it feels selfish to demand that I make time for it everyday, then I believe it is a healthy selfishness. I also realized I need to do this project. It is my escape, my dream, my priority. Of course I will have to figure out the balance. I was angry the last two days that I didn’t have the time to dedicate to it but my realization this morning is that I gave away the priority. I let others decide for me. And I am taking it back. I feel tired and probably sound tired. But at least in tiredness I can see what gives me energy and chasing this dream and giving life to this passion is what will keep me interested, balanced, really my best me.
No comments:
Post a Comment